I Thought..

i thought i thought i thought.. human always use i thought.. often we have stuffs in our mind makin us think we have or goin to have.. but is always blown wen reality hits us.. example for me.. for the whole day.. i reali thought something will become beta.. but wen i realized the thing is not for me, my heart sunk again.. n i thought i have some stuffs to blog abt for the day.. but i will suddenly felt useless posting out those stuffs.. cox is nth interesting anymore wen i'm headshot.. the thought is something that made us move further.. some might walk slower.. some faster.. but wen u missed the chance, everything turns nothing.. for me now..

Wordless.. Simple.. Determination..

Ytd we had a small discussion among some teachers on our names n birthday.. everyone is unique.. n everyone have a verse tt represent them.. i found mine..
John 10:4.. "And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice."

my determination is strong.. i wun let go of wat i decided..

Love is Precious..

Love Him Forever

Posting

finally the monday blues comin to an end.. today totally no energy for anything.. early mornin LS.. thank God T.Penny give me super sweet tea to calm my stomach down.. if nt i'll definatly be admit to hospital sooner or later.. i reali hate March to the core.. everythin went down hill for me.. nth turn better even now.. it's quite bored to keep seeing time flies without any better happier memories.. it bored me more wen i watched couples walkin pass me holdin hand in hand.. but i'm glad my sisters is all attatched.. haa.. the marriage game between us, guess i'll become the last liao.. all no need to fight the place wif me.. cox under my condition i'm still waitin for him.. Thanks God for the sisters i have in my life..
Dar n Mich met me today for dinner.. includin ZhiMing.. lol.. can expected cox he is always stickin ard Mich.. lovely couple since he in army.. envy them the most.. mine cant even survive thru army tgt.. n i dun understand the reason behind it.. maybe i did something wrong tt cause the breakup.. haix.. back to the dinner.. went walkin ard Bugis J n they bought some stuffs.. i din cox nth attract my eyes anymore.. puttin aside me being low on spending.. they din reali asked mich abt wat happened cox most of the details had been sent out since the day happened.. so everyone jux be normal n walk ard the place.. after some shoppin all went home sweet home..
while comin back thank God mum was nearby so managed to hitch a ride back.. i'm quite heartbroken thinkin abt wat happened recently.. which made me in a lost.. n thru it i made my mind of changin some stuffs which is quite hard to happen on me.. so nw onli can await for the result.. =)
i still love him deeply as everyone know.. wat i made up in my mind is my final decision.. n none shall change it.. i'm stubbon n i shall keep being stubbon on things i decided.. so dun bother comin to tel me this n that.. cox i'm nt interested in any comments abt it..

Love Him Forever

Lousy

i got a headshot again.. a fren of mine whom i totally lost contact till our Pioneer chalet shot me.. i was expecting to c him again.. but who noes he reali changed alot.. lol.. become a real man.. cool.. n he's makin everything BIG !! reali BIG i mean it.. lol.. he made my mind clearer over our conversation few hours ago.. n he headshot by tellin wat kinda experience i left him in the past.. n it's reali a super BAD impression.. lol.. still we decided to remain as frenx.. haa.. i'm reali glad i have frenx who make BIG in everything they does.. hee..
as promised i tried to enjoy myself durin the chalet.. but still ther's time wen i missed him so much.. wishin he's ther wif me.. lookin at me wif tt smile jux for me.. but it seem impossible.. which made my mood even more lousy den ever.. i guess i'm a lousy girlfriend.. n tt's the reason which made me lost him.. sometimes i reali hate myself.. wen i try to be calm towards r/s they often backfired me.. wen i'm over entu it did the same oso.. i tried to avoid quarrels wif him by keepin everything inside.. but ending is jux the breakup tt hits me hard.. pushing everything aside.. i stil wanna make him mine again.. lik he said.. the time will come.. let future decide.. guess i'll jux stay wif my single club for sometime.. =)

Love Him Forever

P.S : i'm waitin for u like always.. =) Loves

Fever Queen

came back from chalet dis mornin.. the moment i stepped into my hse, my temperature increased n headache strike force is activated before i dropped Dar at work place.. the next thing i remember is i hit my bed after washin up.. cant reali fall asleep the whole mornin.. but dozed off late mornin cox my head reali hurts lik thousands of ppl drilling inside my brain.. i cant reali sleep well the whole day n been wakin up almost every 2 hours cox my head hurts.. till now it still hurts n my fever dun seem to decrease.. i wonder wat illness i gt.. been havin the damm fever for nearly 2 weeks.. but thank God it come n go.. grr.. *angry*
the chalet was quite fun cox gals gt lotsa to chat.. n someone actually realized i'm the youngest of them.. cox i'm the onli second batch of the sch who attended.. the rest is all the 1st batch students.. i big mistake i made is.. i went the late cox almost a few is leavin wen i reached ther.. haa.. super funny.. n they said is lik seeing artist.. few minutes of meeting n off we go... lol.. is reali funny.. causing the pics to onli have me in the last fews while the front without me.. but glad they understand my situation for now.. haa.. all the pics is wif Joyce.. hope she'll upload them soon.. cox i'm waitin to grab some over in my blog.. haa.. maybe do some photoshop n paste everyone sch time pics so can compare.. lol..
i forgot hw mani weeks passed without him.. i missed him damm damm lots.. is lik back at the time he went taiwan n i waitin for him come back.. but dis time is different.. thou i saw him in msn but i dare nt talk to him.. i dunno how to start a topic between him n me.. cox in fact our life is totally different.. i did told Dar before.. it's hard for us to get back tgt cox of our different lifestyle.. n it's totally impossible for us to make time out wen we're nt tgt anymore.. circle of frenx different.. lifestyle different.. timeslot different.. alot alot different.. i dunno waitin in dis way izzit good or bad choice.. but i believe my choice.. cox i stand strong wif wat i choosen.. who cares which ever is gonna hurt me again.. i believed n i'll stand strong wif it..

Love Him Forever

P.S : i'm not gonna give up on u.. cox u're the one who i see future wif..
i dunno if u will read, but i hope u understand how much i mean to me..
i realized i din have any intakes till now.. even my dinner dun interest me.. every food i saw now make me felt so yucky to put into my mouth.. unless u guys wanna cal me.. i suggest u all sms me beta.. cox i guess u all oso dun wanna hear a half-dead voice.. =)

Amazing

Morning Swimmers

new directions wif bulbs

Penny's home-made waffle

Since 1986 'B'

Back in the old days

in jux nearly 1 week, my blog were read nearly 100 times.. i'm truly amazed.. too bad i cant find out who read.. cox readers always dun leave msg or tag.. sobx..
some knows i'm sick thru readin my blog while some is cox my msn nick.. well.. thanks everyone.. i'm feelin better cox some of u been prayin for me.. still.. my stomach is stil in pain.. haa.. guess i too weak le ba.. plus weather cold made me feel more sick.. haa..
i posted i'll be movin hse soon... yeah.. is true.. n guess i'll need a few helpin hands.. all welcome to help out.. hee..
before dis year end, i pray everything will be fruitful for me as i collect my harvest.. =)

ther's times wen i will suddenly think of him..
ther's times wen i'm too busy to have a break..
ther's times wen i pray hard for his return..
ther's times wen i need someone by my side..
ther's times wen i'm too down to think of everything..
n here i m.. waitin for his return by my side..

Love Him Forever

Updates

Sentosa Day

Loves Loves

The Da-Ge

In Our Own World

a short short update on past weeks outing wif OD.. haa.. suppose to post up long ago but cox reali no mood..
still.. i'm sick.. havin pains in my stomach.. sleepless nights due to the pain.. haix.. pain pain pain.. i dyin.. i dun understand y the pain.. it's quite upset wen ther's pain all the time n cant enjoy alot of stuffs.. made me even more upset.. haix.. sian ar~~ Chalet tonight.. Dar gave warnin to enjoy n relax.. i reali dun wanna disappoint her.. but still.. i'll be in my own world ba.. cox i dun wanna spread any virus.. lol..

Love Him Forever

P.S : i'm moving hse soon..

Empty

The Litmus test - if it will upset the other party when they find out, it's considered cheating. So if you have to hide it, you shouldn't do it.

some of u might find dis veri familiar.. cox it's taken from another blog.. n i believed it's true.. alot of us understand the meanin.. but stil ther's some who will stil does stuffs tt will upset the other party.. n no one will understand y they will do it cox only themselves will noe the reason..
my wireless connection been causin me some probs recently.. sometime i might be seem offline wen i'm actually in ther.. think is cox of the recently lighting..
recently i been lik a living dead walkin ard.. frens n great pals been tellin me the same things..
1st i gt food poisioning from some place food which i nv expect it to turn out sucky..
2nd i been havin up n down fever everynight in my sleeps..
3rd i can see serious dark eye rings wen i had enuff sleep..
4th i had frenx tellin me i lost weight due to my lost of appitite..
Last i lost my precious dearest which hurt me the most..
due to all this, i been emotional down.. OD n Dar had been wif me all this time.. giving me encouragin words but i dun feel any better.. i dun understand y.. last night wen i desperately needin someone, ther's no one ther for me.. i turned cold n empty.. i cant get over it.. i cant believe all the changes.. i tried cryin.. still tears welled n nv drop.. Jam said it might be cox i lost all my feelings.. i dun feel any happiness or sadness.. wen i sit alone at the side of the road, i had fren tellin me i look so emo.. wat i can do is to try puttin up a smile back on my face to hide all my feelings.. which seem so easy but fake.. wen i walked passed places we had been before my heart hurts even more.. headache hit me informing me somethin bad is happening.. i nv expect all the changes to take place so fast.. he had made the changes.. should i do the same too? wenever i thought abt it.. my hands stopped.. tellin me to have more patience.. believe n it shall come true for u.. i'm remindin myself all the time.. i'm stickin to wat i promised n nv back out.. regardless of wat's comin in my way..
to everyone, i'm strong.. but deep inside me i'm always weak.. i can walk miles wif them n stil put up a smile wenever they look back.. but it's nt the kinda smile tt everyone feels good anymore.. is lik a dead body walkin n in it's own world.. my world become colorless the moment u left.. i cant see colors tt's beautiful anymore.. no matter how strong i tried to put up, it felt so weak.. wenever i have my own free time, my mind is empty without u..
i'm broken once again.. torn up in pieces lik rag.. i'm waitin.. waitin for u to come n sew me up again in 1 piece.. not leavin me in pieces.. Jux You..
I'll wait till the very day when we're back in a piece again..

Love Him Forever

Pain Pain Pain

i had fallen to the deepest..
i felt nothing inside me anymore..
everything is so empty..
tears welled but never drop..
i wish i can cry out loud..
but i cant even till dis very day..
i wish i can hug him again..
but it seems so impossible..
i wish he'll be back by my side..
but nothing is done till now..
i wish miracle will happen..
but will there be any for me again??
my most amazing miracle is having him..

my head hurts.. my leg hurts.. my back hurts.. my heart hurts even more.. some parts had been deleted.. i'm hurt seein all those deleted stuffs.. wat left behind is the past we had.. wat i'm havin now is myself alone without him.. i feel lik cryin.. but it seem so useless cryin anymore.. cox he wun noe anything.. he might nt even care.. he might jux put me at the back of his brain.. forgettin me.. forgettin everything we been thru together..
i'm waitin for him.. not only now.. but forever.. tt's my promise to him..

i remember everything..

Love Him Forever

Pain

my pain increased.. dun ask me y.. cox i oso dunno.. havin pains in the tummy.. from ytd mornin goin work till dis moment.. i eat normally.. drink normally.. but still i have ppl tellin me i look sick.. i wonder wat's wrong wif my body.. i tried nt to think of sad stuffs.. but it stil dun get any better.. maybe it's nt the sad stuffs.. maybe i reali gettin seriously sick.. argh.. y my body turn weak at dis kinda time.. hw i wish i can kill myself n change to another body.. -.-
till nw.. i stil get nothing.. i'm tired.. wen will he return? if he returns how long will he stay? does he stil have me in his heart? does he stil love me lik the veri start? wat is he thinkin nw? all the question is ther.. but ther's no ans.. how i reali wish him back wif me..

Love Him Forever

Bad

days passed.. i'm stil nt feelin any better.. stomach upset, fever goin up n down.. tired always.. i wonder wat's wrong wif my body nowadays.. i dun seem to be any better.. almost everyone been askin my if i'm sick.. cox i looked too pale to them.. till nw i stil feel sick.. i'm half dead..

Love Him Forever